Emo Poetry

I've started typing this post like 5 times and ended up deleating it. It is basically one big 'I'm emo ATM so please hug me' type posts - and I was at odds about writing it. I have though decided to continue. Not so much for my desparation of emo love - but because...well I don't really have a concrete reason. I guess I feel that the 'poker life' is sometimes glorified and made to seem simple. The upsides are magnified and the downsides ignored. The truth of the matter is that variance is a mofo...and very few people truely understand its sickness.

Gone are the days of immense online edges and 50k hand sample sizes. Edge is still there - but you must fight through the variance to get it...and thats not so easy. No matter how long you have been playing for - the downswings still get to you. They have definately been getting to me lately!

Whenever I coach someone they almost always ask what the most important quality for an online player is. They always think I'm going to reply with some mystical secret skill that very few are aware of. I can almost hear their sighs of disappointment at my boring reply --> discipline. Without discipline you simply cannot succeed in the long run.

If I was ever to back somebody - I would rather take a marginal winner over a potentially huge winner who is ill disciplined. The knowledge required to beat $50NL and below is really not that much. I coach a guy called Grant who was basically an APL player who had learnt bad habits and had no thoeritcal knowledge. I taught him and his friend the exact same stuff in a relatively short period. They both grasped everything and were of relatively equal competance. A few months on and Grant has turned his bankroll into 5 or 6 fold - while his mate had bust his account within a few days.

Casinos only have a few % of edge in most games. The reason they are so succesful is that they have a system - a winning system - and they stick to the rules without emotion. They never faulter. Most good poker players can find larger edge than the Casino does in a game of blackjack - but emotional control and discipline is what separates the good from the best.

Making money at poker is a grind - almost robotic at times. You must spend countless hours in front of a screen dealing with common swings - and are meant to be immune to them all. The truth of the matter is that poker is stressful. Variance can affect our play even when we are winning. Discipline allows us to look at each play on its merits and to be honest with ourselves when we play bad.

Originally I was just going to bitch about how badly I was running at everything lately, and how I'm angry as I feel I may have played badly at some points. Somehow this post turned into a lesson about discipline which I guess I subconsciously gave myself. I'm pretty sure only about 4 people actually read this blog - but in the odd chance one of you just watched rounders and is dreaming of  'vegas and the fucking mirage' - just know what you are getting yourself into!

VW Golf G-T-Sighhh

My first ever car was a '92 Honda Prelude which I got when I was 17. It was a good little car. I drove it for 7 years - treated it like shit - and it never let me down!

Some time last year, a family friend asked if i wanted to sell it. Seeing as though my life basically consists of countless hours of eating, sleeping and watching tv - I figured selling was an okay idea.

For about a year I remained car-less which suited me quite well. I would get lifts to places I wanted to go - and use the non-car excuse for places I didn't.

One day I was eating chiken crimpy - when one of those shining lights of impulse hit me - I MUST have a new car! It took me a while to decide what I wanted but finally settled for the VW Golf GTI Pirelli. I basically woke up one June morning - walked into a showroom - and drove away in it that afternoon. It was apparently the quickest sale and delivery they have ever done.

The new car was my baby. Whenever I felt down - its heated leather seats hugged and caressed my buttocks to tell me 'its all going to be ok'.

Those who know me can attest to my strong OCD about certain things. Like the fact that I cannot go to sleep if I see a drawer or cupboard open - or go mental if im sweating someone who has openned tables that arn't all aligned and exactly the same size. I had massive OCD about this car! It remained spotless for about a week...

3 months into ownership - my baby has been tortured and molested and things will now never be the same again! The first incident occured without anyones knowledge. One day my girlfriend (brag) noticed a real bad scratch on the driver side door. Someone had parked next to my car and decided it would be a good idea to fling their door open as hard ass possible into my German piece of automobile brilliance. My car was now tarnished and no amount of paint could mask these wounds :(

A couple weeks later I leave for vegas and allow my gf to borrow the car when she needs it (fail). One day in vegas - having just lost a shit load to multiple beats - I get a call from a frantic girlfriend. She sounded distressed - I thought someone had been hurt - but the news was far worse! My gf walked out to the car in the morning and saw its side mirror shattered all over the floor! It was a hit and run - but suspect is obv an Asian female. Sigh..pretty sure it was one of these women:

VIC champs came and went, and amazingly the car had seen no new damage. Enter Pierre Bush. I met Pierre a few years back at the APA and we have been good friends since. Pierre lives in Newcastle but has a lot of his work meetings in Sydney - and I suggested he stay at my place for a few days while he had work here. One morning Pierre needs to get to a couple meetings in the city but has lost his car keys. FML. Being the great (dumb) mate that I am - I agree to let him use my car. I give him an entire speech about how much I love the car and rattle off a long list of restrictions. He drops me off at Star City and goes off to his meeting.

5pm arrived and Pierre was not back yet..he was meant to have picked me up by then. I get a call - its Pierre - he has started the conversation with "brooooow". I always find it interesting when my friends start a coversation with 'bro'. It is often an indication of a high variance telephone call. The news is going to either be great or terrible. With Bushy it is often the latter, but I am a gambler at heart so I still get excited. The call went something like this:

Pierre: Brooooooowww
Me: *waiting impatiently for news*
Pierre: Broooooow I just want you to know that it wasn't my fault..
Me: *FML* what happened bro?
Pierre: Some dumb Scandinavian tried to turn into a street, cutting across 2 lanes of traffic, and hit us. You need to get into a cab and come here..

At this point I repeatedly ask if he is levelling me. He's not - FML!

Thankfully my German tank came out of the collision far better than her Japanese piece of crap. My rim is messed up and the panel above the wheel is all indented. Somehow the idiot thought the accident was our fault. We had to simplify it for her:

Us - going straigh at 40km/hr in our own lane
Dumb Chick - trying to turn right into a street while there is oncoming traffic

I'm still not sure she got it?

To recap: 3 month old car - 3 separate escalating incidents - NONE of them my fault! Not only were they not my fault -I was nowhere near the car when any of them happened. Can't get it fixed until dispute is settled. FML!!!

Back to Blogging...

Those of you who followed my Vegas twitter will know that this is not my first foray into the world of the blog. I am a bored bored man.

My mind works in sporadic and chaotic ways. I will be at home watching tv - minding my own business - and a wave of inspirational light will come over me. I never understand its trigger, nor do I dare try. I have just learnt to accept my fate in the never-ending pursuit of my mind's inspirations. Alas, here we are.

I don't promise to know how long this will last, nor how regularly I will post. Currently my mind has visions of greatness for this project!

This will basically be an account of my perspective on whatever comprises of my life. It won't be one of those loaded poker blogs full of hand discussion and results. There will be a bit of that stuff - but also a whole heap more. Please enjoy the show!